The Responsibility Challenge

When you hear the word “responsibility” what comes to mind?

For some, it evokes memories of a parent who used it as an alternative phrasing for careful, trustworthy, or mature.

For others, they think about work where it can mean taking on more jobs, overseeing other team members, or being the person who will take the blame if it doesn’t get done.

In 2020, I came up with my own Superhero Code, a list of 10 values to live by in order to become a real-life superhero. The first value is responsibility, which I defined as:

I will use the power or privilege I currently have to make a difference. It is my responsibility to do it.

You can see the straight line from that to the famous, “with great power there must also come –– great responsibility.”

In this context, responsibility is a word that seems to mean “a debt owed to the world in exchange for advantages or power.”

With so many different meanings for one word, how can we understand this idea in a way that is useful and impactful?

My Number One Job

I routinely ask my children:

What’s my number one job?

To which they respond correctly:

To keep you safe.

Keeping them safe is something that I see as my responsibility and believe me when I tell you that I didn’t have to be told, convinced, or pushed into it. I choose that every single day and in countless ways.

And while it would seem obvious to say that it’s a parent’s responsibility to keep their kids safe, there are countless examples of parents who don’t see it that way.

This is because what is or is not considered a responsibility is not a universally agreed upon list –– it’s personal. If you want to know what responsibility means to someone, you first must understand what and who they value.

The Alignment Principle

Here’s what I’ve learned: people will rarely accept full responsibility for something unless it aligns with their own existing values.

They might be willing to go through the motions, comply with expectations, or check the boxes, but true ownership? You are most likely to see that when the responsibility is rooted in what someone deeply cares about.

Consider those examples I mentioned at the beginning.

The parent saying “be responsible” (meaning careful or trustworthy) is operating from what they value –– the safety of their child or the maturity they think will lead to better opportunities.

But their child is in a different stage of life, with different priorities. They may value independence or freedom, or even just their parent’s approval.

The secret is to look for the overlap in the Venn diagram for where what you value and what they value intersect. In this case, the parent might find alignment by framing things in terms of how being mature, and careful can lead to more trust, less oversight, and a greater degree of freedom.

Same responsibility, different values driving the adoption.

Now think about work. When someone assigns you responsibility for a project or team, your willingness to truly own it depends on whether it connects to what you value –– growth, recognition, helping others, solving problems, whatever matters most to you.

The key takeaway is that a true sense of responsibility often requires that we find in ourselves and others the values, people, and outcomes that we most care about.

The Responsibility Challenge

When I wrote The Superhero Code, I wrote it in the context of living life like a Superhero, and through the lens of what I value.

Today, I want to challenge you to think about responsibility in two ways:

First, understand yourself.

Rather than thinking about responsibilities as something you are assigned, analyze them as a function of what and who YOU value. The most powerful responsibilities are the ones you own because they are rooted in what you care about more than anything.

When you view responsibilities as a method of validating, building, and strengthening the case for who you are, you will move and act with a clarity, commitment, and vigor that few people ever achieve.

Second, be curious about others.

When you want someone else to take responsibility for something –– whether that’s your kids, your team, or anyone else –– start by understanding what they value. Look for the overlap between what you care about and what they care about. Find the intersection where the same responsibility can serve both of your value systems.

Next Steps

Start by writing down a list of 10 values, people, and outcomes you care about more than anything.

Then, from that list of 10, try to figure out a short list of what you now see as your real responsibilities.

Finally, pick one person in your life where you’ve been frustrated that they won’t “take responsibility” for something you think is important. Get curious about what they value, and see if you can find a way to connect that responsibility to something they actually care about.

True responsibility isn’t about obligation –– it’s about getting really clear about values.

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