I love learning about, thinking about, and talking about Leadership.
I wrote my book The Lovable Leader, because I saw so many examples of managers and bosses struggling. An unsettling number of new managers get promoted into a role without any training for how to effectively motivate people, set strategy, manage conflict, or deal with many communication challenges that leaders run into. Even seasoned leaders struggle with these facets of their role.
From the time I had started writing the book in 2015 until very recently, I kept feeling something unresolved about the discourse surrounding leadership. No matter what I read, what I wrote, or how I spoke about it, I couldn’t put my finger on this feeling that there was something missing.
One day, I was within earshot of a normal conversation about work and something just… CLICKED
Leadership Roles
The conversation I overheard was filled with familiar questions.
- How do I get people to just do their job?
- How can I motivate people?
- How much should I give people space versus pressure, and when does it become micro-management?
I’ve heard these questions countless times before.
All at once I realized how, more often than not, the people asking these questions are in a formal position of leadership. They are individuals granted with some formal authority over the people they are charged with managing.
I was struck by how in each of these situations, each of these leaders, in explaining their current struggles, were all describing a feeling of disconnection, isolation, or alienation from their team members. In their elevated role, they seemed unsure of how to go about imposing, inflicting, or infecting their teammates with some alternative way of being.
Perhaps, that is the root of the problem.
Watch the Throne: The Leadership Industrial Complex
Without the salary bump, prestige, or authority to reward or punish, a leader is just another role on the team.
But that’s the catch—because of those very things, leadership isn’t just another role.
In our competitive culture, it’s seen as the “better” role.
- Leaders are different, you see.
- They are motivated, intelligent, and talented, you see.
- They have something that others don’t, you see.
So as the narrative of the remarkable leader becomes normalized, and an entire industry springs up to cater to it, the role of leader becomes less about what you do, and more about how people are meant to relate to you.
Identifying the Tension
As a leader, the unspoken truth, embedded deep in your subconscious, is that those that work under you, who are not leaders, must not be special, else they would be leaders.
- Perhaps, they are not as motivated as you are.
- Perhaps, they are not as smart as you are.
- Perhaps, they just don’t have it.
At the same time, they see you and notice all of the ways in which you are every bit as human and fallible as they are. They resent anything they perceive as an attempt to control them.
As this tension grows, the distance grows.
And as I thought about all of this, the solution became clear to me.
If we want to fix leadership, we must first destroy it.
Because leadership has become this “other” thing, reserved for leaders, a chasm has opened between leaders and their teams.
I’ve come around to the belief that the designation of leader has become more harmful than helpful. I’ve come around to the belief that all of the leadership training could be infinitely more effective if we removed the label of “leader” entirely, and focused instead — and exclusively — on how we all “show up.”
In the end, Leadership is, always was, and always will be about the voluntary relationships and interactions between people. Any situation where the method of inspiring action is through the use of coercion, manipulation, or threat of harm, we are no longer talking about leadership.
How We Show Up
You might be asking: What does it look like to focus on how we “show up?
Simple.
- Take away the historical framing, contextual authority, and implied value of each person’s role.
- Focus exclusively on each and every interaction as a meeting of two humans of equal value
There is a sneaky superiority mindset that comes with a job promotion or the accolades one receives following a big win. It is baked into the culture and easily seen by how we celebrate success while judging people who struggle.
You might not think that affects you. If that’s the case, then this should be easy for you.
What would happen if you stopped leading from a position of authority and started focusing on how you “show up” in every interaction?
Because if you can approach every interaction with your team as an opportunity to honor the relationship with respect and kindness, you’ll be showing up in a way that actually makes you worthy of the designation: Leader.
